Vibes

I find myself musing about “vibes.”  I know that phrase is oftimes overused and I apologize for adding to it, but there really are those under-the-surface feelings that tell us what we need to know.  If we choose not to heed them we will surely wish we had. Sometimes, they are not all that ominous. Sometimes, something just seems “off” and you find out your friend was going through a personal issue or someone was hiding a good secret like meeting someone special or interviewing for a new job and, before long, they catch you up on what those vibes were smoke signaling to you. From time to time, you meet someone and the vibe tells your gut this person is going to impact your life for good or for bad. The vibes may also be warning you away from someone.

Oftentimes, the vibe just means a person or place is not a fit for you.  I frequently get this feeling. Some people are just not my speed, not my cup of tea, not any of those cliches. They are pretentious or stodgy; judgmental or humorless.  Sometimes their vapidity is all too much for me. Some places are not for me, either. I can just set foot in the door and I want to run out screaming. Last year, I went with friends to a local restaurant and I knew it was wrong from the get-go.  Too noisy, too crowded, too pretentious. One member of the group really, really wanted to try the place so I went along with it. Later on, the other member told me I should have said something if, halfway through the meal, I didn’t like it. But it was not at the halfway point when I knew this place was horrendous, at least for me.  I knew it as soon as I opened the door.

I also have occasion to visit the favorite haunts of my family or friends. That becomes a delicate situation. You just want to scream out that this place is ungodly awful but you don’t want to offend.  After all, it is a place that your family member or friend recommends merely by them wanting to take you there. Sometimes, a friend will bring you to a party or other gathering and most of the people will not be on the same wavelength as you.  I have had people apologize for the lawn furniture around their in-ground pool when I was living in a small apartment or complain they haven’t been on a vacation in months when I hadn’t been on vacation in years. It is difficult to relate in those scenarios.  Some people just see the world in a totally different way. It is not that I need to fraternize with people exactly like me but sometimes the differences are too glaring to overcome.

The problem, I think, lies in my age and the fact that I have been around the block a few times at this point in my life.  I guess I am unwilling or unable to gather up the wherewithal to try to fit into a space clearly not meant for me. Years ago, I would have surely been more agreeable and more willing to compromise myself to fit into this other world.  Now, I find myself wanting to retreat into my own world which is inhabited by books, coffee, sunshine, the beach, my family. A world where I see the future come alive daily in my classroom, where the laughter of my grandson lights my world.

Years ago, I read a book called A Woman of Substance and I have always thought it best to be one.  A woman with layers of life experiences and depth.  Maybe that is what those vibes are conveying. Maybe they are like gauges which measure the depth and substance.  And maybe people think I have neither since I will not be forthcoming when I am uninterested in proving my worth as a person.  It has occurred to me that people may think I am a “wet blanket” to use an old time phrase. I am not a social butterfly. I am more like that caterpillar weaving a comforting place where I want to stay until I am ready to emerge. And the vibes will set me free.