If you have ever seen the movie, You’ve Got Mail, you may remember Kathleen Kelly’s quote. That movie is one of my all-time favorites and this quote is the one which most resonated with me. Herewith:
“Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life – well, valuable, but small – and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.”
My life has had value, too, I think, but it has not been one of visiting exotic (or not-so-exotic) places and meeting famous people. I like to travel but we never had the resources to do it. I was a stay-at-home mom for twelve years. It was a choice I made which I will never regret. Being able to spend valuable time with my kids is an irreplaceable part of my life and theirs. I know there are those who have been able to spend time with their kids and travel. I couldn’t do both. In order to provide money to travel, I would have had to spend time at work and my kids would have had to go to a babysitter of some kind. I realize it is not a choice for parents today but it was one for me. It came with concessions, however. I don’t want to call them sacrifices because I didn’t view them as such. It was kind of the price we paid to have those years together.
I guess my grievance is with those who think I have not lived because my life has been different from theirs. There are those who tell me they need a vacation. I don’t want to say that term is foreign to me, but it was never the norm. For many years, a vacation meant a deviance from my normal routine. I didn’t go away on vacation for years and years. When I was finally going to leave NJ to drive to my sister’s house in Tennessee, I joked that I might be unable to leave NJ. I thought I might get to the border and some mystical force would keep me from traveling across the border. For a number of years, my “vacation” was driving to Tennessee, Virginia, or Vermont to visit family and friends. I also took a couple of trips to Florida (via plane) to visit friends. My first “real” vacation came in 2017 when my daughter and I went to Paris. I am scheduled to go to Disney at the end of this summer as part of my grandson’s entourage. Were it not for my desire to see the expression on his face, I wouldn’t aspire to see Disney. I know there are many Disney lovers who would disagree wholeheartedly and I may understand all that come August but, when something has not been a very real possibility for you within your lifetime, you don’t imagine how it would be. My children have all made it to Disney in their lifetimes. I just never have.
It is baffling to me how people can assume things about me and my life based on my life experiences. I have not had a ton of money in my life and have had various financial setbacks. I am not complaining. They are surely first world problems. Many people have had real issues in their life. I only offer it as an explanation. It was necessary for me to make choices in my life, as we all do, and my choice was to stay home to raise my kids. My then-husband traveled with his job and I provided the solid home base for my kids. As I said, I don’t regret any of it. I also don’t wish to defend it. If you have made choices which enabled you to travel, good for you. I am not “less than” because I chose differently.