Lately, there have been times that I have had a heavy heart. I am not quite sure why this is the case. I am fortunate enough to be unable to point to something that would “justify” my having a heavy heart but, nonetheless, I feel it. Years ago, the very first year I was in the classroom (2005), we read The Secret Life of Bees. In the book, speaking about her sister, August says, “’That’s because May takes in things differently that the rest of us do.’ August reached over and laid her hand on my arm. ‘See, Lily, when you and I hear about some misery out there, it might make us feel bad for a while, but it doesn’t wreck our whole world. It’s like we have a built-in protection around our hearts that keeps the pain from overwhelming us. But May—she doesn’t have that. Everything just comes into her—all the suffering out there—and she feels as if it’s happening to her….’” That is the essence of how I have been feeling. That “their” sadness is my own. I recall when my late mother was still alive and she told me that she could no longer watch the news. When I asked her why she couldn’t, she told me that the bad and sad things that happen were just too much for her. She was like May, who internalized all the pain and sorrow, and who could not shake the sorrow from her soul. I do feel like I have been experiencing a malaise of the soul. I know that some of my friends on social media do not understand my apparent need to post political commentary on the current state of affairs of this United States. Perhaps the words of Robert DeNiro will explain my feelings in a more accurate fashion. He said, “To be silent in the face of such villainy is to be complicit….” To those who think it will all pass or it’s not that important or it doesn’t affect them personally, I say I cannot help but speak out because the depth of my worry about the soul of America is constant.
Perhaps, also, this is a malady of the golden years. Maybe it is a coming of age thing for older people. I am unsure. I do know that it sometimes permeates the warp and woof of my soul and reaches out to other areas of life. I was at an outside food festival last week, listening to a really good band, eating good food, spending time with someone wonderful. As I looked around, however, I saw people there alone, people singing along to the band, but doing so all by themselves. And the solitary sadness stuck with me for awhile.
Sometimes I am tired, something particularly worrisome comes to mind, or I am stressed and busy and it is at those times that it is hard to fend off some of the weight of the world. But, then, the ebb occurs, just like at the beach where I found peace and happiness yesterday; the heaviness lifts. I look around and can appreciate all the very wonderful people in my life and the happiness derived just by spending time with them or reading in the sun or floating in the pool. Somehow, somewhat miraculously, my perspective shifts. And I need to remind myself that life is an ebb and flow, a yin and yang, sunshine and storms. I must also acknowledge that much of what goes on in the world is outside my realm of control or my sphere of influence. In other words, there is not a darn thing I can do about some of the sorrow in the world. I can, however, spread kindness whenever possible (and it is always possible), treat others with respect, be thankful for all the overwhelmingly awesome people in my life, and for the blessings bestowed on me by the universe.
7 thoughts on “Ebb and Flow”
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Thanks. I too have similar thoughts as I go through my day.
Love you and thanks for sharing!
Love you, too, and thank you for reading!
This is where a version of The Serenity Prayer gives perspective. As an agnostic I say, “I grant myself the serenity to accept the things I cannot change ….
Thanks for your thoughts and, yes, The Serenity Prayer (in whatever form), does give perspective.
Generally, when we’re feeling a little depressed or out of sorts, we tend to look for the cause as something we did, something negative which caused us to be depressed or because we’re gauging our happiness on the contrast between how we feel today and feelings from yesterday.
What I have come to accept is that our brain chemistries change from time to time for no “apparent” reason. And yet, we tend to still search for a cause. Maybe it was something we did which haunts our emotions. Perhaps we deserve to be sad because of those crazy thoughts within us which prevent some of us from appreciating the joy of simply breathing.
Our brain chemistries are like the ebb and flow of hormones. On a somewhat regular basis, we sometimes feel good and then conversely bad at other times. But I’ve found it a useless exercise to try and place blame on myself for the way I feel. Feelings are complicated, no doubt. We are influenced by so many things: weather, temperature, hormones, food, general health, the environment, and of course the everyday emotional reactions to life all around us. But again, it’s not always something we did and then deserve to be punished for in some way.
I’ve learned during my lifetime, my emotions go up and down all by themselves. When I start coming down with a simple cold, I first start feeling a little down emotionally but it’s not always clear that a cold is coming on. It just feels like I’m feeling down. Sometimes, I don’t get enough sleep, and don’t feel my usual wonderful self. And, of course, there are times when life itself becomes overwhelming — as it does for all of us. That’s when I take a deep breath, close my eyes and move through the experience knowing full well I’ll make it through to the other side.
I think many of us take our emotions far too seriously. It’s important to fully express our love, anger, hurt, sorrow, joy and every emotion which makes us human, but why allow ourselves to become overwhelmed by those feelings which we don’t always really understand. It happens to me more than I’d like to admit — a feeling of incompleteness, laziness, failure, etc. I tend to blame myself for these feelings when — in truth — I may not have any control over them. They’re just feelings that may be rising up from the depths of my mind, and I may never really understand them to be able to make the necessary changes to be happy.
While I don’t know many answers to life’s questions, I do know that in order to fully appreciate the human experience, we must also appreciate the ups and downs of our existence. Can we really be up all the time? I think not. I feel as though our lives are continually being balanced by something out of our control Maybe it’s an inner scale of some kind or maybe it’s God. Nobody, as far as I know, is in a continual state of bliss. And if we could experience continual bliss, would we be in heaven? I’ve thought about it before: If heaven is perfect and every soul is in a state of perfection, how do you feel anything without contrast? For example, how can you appreciate joy without knowing sorrow. How can you appreciate being well without experiencing sickness?
I believe it’s important to except the fact that we all feel very strange or depressed or sad from time to time — and that’s just the way it is. It’s okay. In fact, maybe it’s dangerous to measure or gauge our emotions by contrasting the negative with the positive aspects of our feelings. I think it sets us up to be unhappy when we do so.
I like these words of wisdom by Reinhold Niebuhr:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
And I also enjoy remembering the wonderful prayer called The Desiderata:
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble,
it’s a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I have always like the Desiderata, as well.
I think in some cases we can do an elimination test, much like we do with food sensitivities. Does the elimination of something offer relief? Feelings of frustration and powerlessness can become overwhelming and throw us into depression. Remember, those feelings, emotions, are affecting our brain chemistry.