Critics and Those Who Demean. They are not demeanors because that is altogether something else and they are not Dementors, but there are similarities. Herewith my musings on the topic:
Have you ever encountered a person who finds fault with whatever you do and who is passive-aggressive about their condemnation? You know, they will compliment you on something then say something like, “Of course, if you did this instead of that, it would have been better.” I am not sure why this occurs but I like to conjecture on the phenomenon.
For example, I have taken photos which many people like but that one person will dismiss them or tell me how I could have made the photo better. They will exclaim over a photo taken by someone else which is almost identical to mine, but think I should have done something to make my shot better.
In addition, I dated a guy once who is a good writer. The fact that he is a good writer should not negate any abilities I may have. I discussed this in my piece called “Credibility.” I suggested “allowing” modicums of credibility. I love to write but I am under no delusions that I can make a living at this passionate hobby. However, that fact does not diminish any modicum of capability I have. Just because this guy could write does not mean I can’t. Why are people so possessive of their skills and so critical of others? Is it a form of control or an ego thing? Or, perhaps, is it an insecurity? You sometimes see a person putting another down because doing that elevates the person in his or her own mind. Strange, right? I think if the person knew how petty it looks to put someone else down to make him or herself appear better, they might cease and desist immediately.
I have known a few people who fancy themselves decorators. I have also known a few people who actually could be decorators, Mary and Cecily to name two. Oddly enough, the ones who have the eye and whose homes are delightfully outfitted are the ones who seem the most open to ideas I may have. The ones who fancy themselves decorators wear that stuff like a badge of honor and do not allow for tastes to differ. If I mention a decorating idea I have or something I have done or mention a color I adore and it is met with the same passive-aggressive agreement/non agreement, I will not mention it again. Decorating should not be a be-all, end-all thing. Decorating, to me, should be surrounding oneself with objects that bring delight or colors that appeal to a person.
The result of this behavior is, for me, not sharing myself with the person who always finds fault. Don’t like my photos? No problem. I am not showing them to you. Don’t think I can write? Ditto. Not sharing my thoughts. Don’t like my taste? So be it.
Could it be that someone just believes their own hype? You know, this person may have been lauded by others for being good at something and they bought into that notion lock, stock, and barrel. None of that stuff goes to my head. I might be flattered to hear kind words but my inner voice will keep me humble. For example, as a teacher, I have encountered others who call themselves teachers. There are, in fact, those people who have a natural proclivity for the field. I am not that person. I love to learn, enjoy young people, and sincerely want them to leave my classroom enriched in some way. I am so unsure of my abilities to teach that for a number of years after I was an accredited teacher, I did not bill myself as such. I would say I work at Keyport High School, but I would not mention my role. There are people who are substitute teachers who bill themselves as teachers. I think that goes back to a subject I previously discussed as well. In my blog post titled, “Teaching,” I made the point that most everyone thinks they know all about education since most everyone has, at one time, sat in a classroom. In my experience, if you do not have the actual credentials, you might want to tone down your “I am a teacher” rhetoric near those who do. It is kind of insulting to assume you are able to waltz in and do our job with no training whatsoever.
As time passes, I am sincerely trying to shake off what others say and do with regard to me and my life and talents (or lack thereof) and, although I take the opinions of others to heart much less than I did in the past, I still find it an annoyance if nothing else. Please, I implore you, stay in your own lane and let me stay over here in the slow lane cultivating whatever small amount of talent I may possess. I am my harshest critic and I don’t really need any assistance. I don’t need another critic, I am doing fine on my own. It remains to be seen if figurative self-flagellation is the only “talent” I possess. I’ll keep you posted, but only if you promise to keep your criticism to a bare minimum.